10 Years of Snow
by upsidedown-insideout
Summary: For 10 years she was to guide and protect the knights. She did not know that at the end of those years, she would have to choose between the path the Goddess had chosen for her and the life she had come to love in Camelot. LancelotMorgaine
1. Somedays

Somedays aren't yours at all,  
They come and go  
As if they're someone else's days  
They come and leave you behind someone else's face  
And it's harsher than yours  
And colder than yours

Somedays

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_I do not know what the future holds for me. And I do not know how those after me shall see my actions. Perhaps it is not until I make the decision before me that history shall decide my character. Even now, I know I shall be cast as their savior, or their downfall. There is no middle ground for me._

_I have spent 10 years in this kingdom of Camelot. I have seen people come and find homes within the borders of this land. I have seen the dissatisfied leave to find happiness elsewhere. I have seen many men put into the ground, some my friends, some not. I came to know the man I now call my brother, though he was nearly a stranger at the start of journey. I watched a man of stone melt my heart, and I perhaps I touched his as well. I have seen what the Goddess has shown me in order to protect these people. I have been feared for my methods and my ways. Hated for my power in the old religion. All within the walls of this castle._

_I do not know where to start, perhaps at the beginning, to when I came to Arthur and his people. 10 long years ago when I first laid eyes upon Arthur's land I knew I would never be the same. Somehow the land itself spoke of change._

_The Goddess showed me then only flashes of what was to come. It seems so odd that those cliché moments would become my future. I did not comprehend then but as I look back now, I know she was giving me a glimpse of the future I would have to choose._

_Would I remain devoted to her or choose my own path? It seemed so easy then._

_I only believed in the Goddess when I arrived in Camelot. And for long after that she was the only one in my life. My life itself was hers. Slowly though, I opened my heart and came to know the world around me. I found an unlikely balance between the two opposites in my life. Though considering my current situation, perhaps the balance I struck was no balance at all. _

_She asks me now the same question she asked of me when I arrived in Camelot, and unlike then, I have not yet made a decision. Unlike then, I do not know if I shall choose this mortal life or the path she has chosen for me. I simply know when I set forth on this path I thought my life was decided for me and now given the chance to choose my destiny, I am unsure. I am afraid I will lose those I have come to love._

_It seems so long ago. So long since that battle at Badon_ _Hill occurred. So long since Merlin stood watchful over the same knights I know now. So long since he protected them with his old magic. I heard he nearly died that day but Merlin saved him. Of that I'm sure, perhaps Merlin knew what was to come. So long since the marriage of Arthur and Guinevere. So long since I had met Arthur for the second time in my life. So long since happiness had spread the land. So long…_

Morgaine set the pen down. She ached, her heart ached.

Regardless, she carried on. Whatever her decision, she needed others to know the events which had led her to her current situation, of the pains she had gone through. That this decision itself had pained her. She never set out to hurt those who had come to care for her, though she knew many would argue that fact. This life was never hers but she couldn't bear to part with it.

She wiped the tears which had begun to fall from her eyes. A small fear that perhaps that was the only choice she had left. Maybe the only choice she had ever had.

The Goddess always had worked in mysterious ways.

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Lyrics from "Somedays" by Regina Spektor (simply amazing)

I have an interesting approach to this story, you just have to bear with me for a chapter or two to see it unfold. I draw inspiration from King Arthur (the movie), The Mists of Avalon (books/mini series), and history itself. I do not own any of them.

Thank you for reading (and if at all possible, i'd love a review or two).


	2. Ten Years of Snow

Atanvarne06, you make my world go round. thanks for reviewing, i really appreciate any feedback. Enjoy...

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The finest wines and the richest ale swirled, and it seemed the festivities would never end. The future seemed bright; still there was some doubt in the heart of the old sorcerer. He stood, silently, not wishing to gather much attention. He would rather they strain to hear him.

"Artorius, I give to you today, a gift," he began softly, though the strength in his voice still present.

Silence quickly fell over the spectators. A slight fear present but they clustered regardless, trying to get closer to the bearded man.

"We stand at the beginning of a new era. An era not that of Rome, nor Woad, but of a united Briton. Of long sought after peace, of fair rule, of freedom. To ensure this new land's survival, I give to you something you lost many years ago. I return her now, with hope she will bring you luck and perhaps save you from dangers the Goddess wishes to protect you from. I return to you Morgaine."

He stepped back, revealing her. And only moments of silence followed.

In years to come, what people would remember most of that day was when they first set eyes upon Morgaine le Fey. A look of reverie would sweep their face, and they would recall how it seemed nature herself had crafted a woman. Her skin lightly tanned and exuding a slight glow. Her hair was thick and a rich brown, describable only by reference to the deep forests which covered the land. It curled in perfect ringlets across her breasts. And her eyes, even those in the distance would describe as greener than pastures of Isle itself. And piercing, like they saw into the soul of every villager that day. Perhaps her features individually were not beautiful, and even at first glance she was not beautiful like their newly crowned queen but she was poised. And she was mysterious. She was not a warrior, nor a worker, though she did not look arrogant or brass. Still, her stance was that of power and self assurance. She stood before them as a contradiction in every form.

There was simply something about her which would be indescribable, even years later.

Arthur stepped forward, his eyes filled with tears and she gave a half smile. She looked still so young before him while he felt he had aged lifetimes in their separation.

They hugged, with some hesitancy. They had not seen each other in years, and they were very different people today than they were then.

"For 10 years, your sister shall bless this kingdom Arthur. Then she shall return to her sisters in Avalon. But these 10 years you will have her gift of sight and she shall protect you from the evils which remain. May you and your children be blessed Arthur."

Merlin took his leave. The land had found its leader and an uneasy but steadfast truce had been made between his people and the foreign settlers. The mortal world no longer needed his guidance. The rest of his days would be devoted to the perseverance of the Goddess.

And with that the festivities did end for no one wanted to forget the words the wizard had just spoken. It would a story their children and their children after them would need to know.

Arthur took Morgaine's hand and led her towards the knights and his new wife. Like they were his family, she was their family now as well.

She hesitated, if only for a moment, unsure of whether she was ready for challenges she would face in the coming ten years. She saw flashes of what was to come. The Goddess wished to show her what she would be asked to sacrafice. She would not be the same woman at the end of this journey. She could not comprehend this change for her life was the Goddess. That would never change. And yet the Goddess questioned her devotion.

It seemed absurd. She was only faithful to the Goddess, no amount of time or distance could change that fact. Her life was bound to only the Goddess.

Her eyes scanned the horizon where the distant sun was finally setting. A man stood at the top of the hill, his arm in a sling, the sun burning his outline in the ever darkening skyline. Simply from the way he stood she could tell he had been through much, his shoulders sagged slightly as though they had too much to bear.

Their eyes met for a moment and Morgaine knew in an instant it was the man Merlin had spoke of. He was saved from the edge of death. It was the desire of the Goddess he survive the battle, even if his life was supposed to end during the fight to save Briton.

He was trusted like a brother by Arthur, a man Arthur could make no decision without. Yes, Camelot could not survive without him by the King's side. And the survival of Camelot meant the survival of the Goddess, that much Merlin had told her.

So much hung in the balance, so easily it could all be lost.

She looked back to the woods where she could see the retreating figures of Merlin and the Woads. A deep sadness slowly filling her, she had never imagined she'd be separated from them, from the Goddess, this way.

But this was her path now and she would have to walk it for as long as the Goddess demanded.


End file.
